In my early thirties, I was searching for new directions. When I came across Thomas Merton’s books, such as his autobiography and Seeds of Contemplation, I immediately felt as if I was meeting a close friend who seemed to have gone through the difficulties and interior struggles that I was encountering at the time. I had not been brought up in a religious family; religion was considered the opium of the people. Yet how could I bridge this intense spiritual yearning that was emerging within my heart and at the same time honor my deep wish to be true, real, and deeply human?

Reading Seeds of Contemplation, one chapter in particular struck me. It was the chapter on Integrity, which was for me the catalyst of a profound insight into the dilemma I was struggling with: spiritual life was not trying to become other, a “spiritual” person, but simply meant trying to be fully human. This could only happen by totally accepting ourselves: our imperfections, our complex and conflicting desires, as well as our potential to be free from our self-centered reality. From this perspective, Merton’s insight into the meaning of integrity made me realize that we could be freed from the limitations imposed by our self-identifications not through rejection or mortification but through understanding, truthfulness, acceptance, and love.

In this chapter, Merton’s humor shines through. He uses the example of a tree, which can fulfill itself only by simply being a tree, no matter how much it might want to become something else. In the same way, he points to the mistake that we monastics can easily make by trying to become or emulate the life of a saint who may have lived hundreds of years ago, failing to understand that the truth of our path is to see things as they are and to accept our human condition right now, without judgments but with love and clear awareness of the present moment.

Merton has been on enormous influence on me, one which to this day continues to inform my life and deepen my faith in my journey home.